Turruhnigmuh By: Magus_akaJanus Da•is (dă' is, di' --, dăs), n. a raised platform, as at the front of a room, for a lectern, throne, seats of honor, etc. Narrator-Man, this job sucks Dais- I know, but just shut up and deal with it! Narrator-You shut up! I can take you, pansy! Dais-Hahaha! You can't touch me, 'cause you don't exist! Narrator-... Dais-Can we start now? Fine, but just remember, since I don't exist, you can't do a damn thing to hurt me! Mwuhahahaha! Dais-Pyro Ring! (Narrator is toasted!) Dais-*ahem* Okay, let's get this started... Dairrator-We join our here, Ark, as he...well, sleeps. Chapta 1: RessErection Elle-Wake up, dammit! Ark-Gah? Bl...tuh...jee... Elle-Wake up and you can see my hooters! (Ark immediately jumps up) Ark-Who? What? When? Where? How? Elle-Sicko...Anyway...what are you staring at? Ark-Huh? (Shakes his head) Oh, well that snow globe over there has two birds in it... Elle- I didn't put 'em there, if that's what you're thinkin'. Ark-Okay...whatever. (Elle Leaves) Ark-Hey, I wonder what that old git's up to? (Goes into the next room) Guy-Elle wake ya up again? Woohoo! The hot couple! Ark-What are you talking about? She wakes me up every day! Guy-Elle wake ya up again? Woohoo! The hot couple! Ark-Gah? Guy-Elle wake ya up-- (Ark picks up a pot and crushes the guys skull) Ark-Idiot... ---------------- Woman-Ark, hand me that pot, will ya? Ark-Okay, but for some reason, I can't hand it to you. I'll just throw it. Woman-Okay (Ark lobs the pot) Woman-Ark! Now why'd you do that? No dinner for you! Ark-*blink* ------------------ Elder-Ark, come here... Ark-Where? Elder-Dammit, don't give me any crap! Just come here! Ark-Hey, I was climbing a tree, and I saw a big hole over there (points outside) Elder-Oh yeah, that hole is...holy... Ark-Uh huh...(backs out of the room quietly) Guy-Hey Ark, this broom closet is locked. Help us open it! Ark-Have you tried chucking pots at it? Guy 2-Yup Ark-Hmmm...(reaches into his pocket and produces a key) Here, try this. Guy 2-Okay (Grabs the key and starts stabbing the door with it. Soon the blue door becomes a pile of splinters) Ark-Good work Guy 2-My hand hurts...I'm gonna go lay down... Guy 3-Me too Guy-Meesa gotsa tummy-ache. Buh-bye! Ark-Okeeday (They all leave, except for Ark) Ark-(Peers inside the door) Hey! Where's the brooms? (Goes down the looooooooooong flight of stairs) Ark-Tumteetata...doodeladooh...duhnanananananana...BATMAN! I mean--A BOX!! (Ark runs at the box) Ark-Presents! Yaa-(Is thrown back violently) Oomph! DAMMIT! Box-Ark...calm your spirit, bring peace into your heart, and touch the box...Ark... Ark-AAAAAARGHH! PRESENTS!!!! (Ark flies through the air and tackles the box) Box-Dammit! Did you not hear what I just said?! Oh well... (The box disappears and is replaced by Perel) Perel-Yo, what up? Ark-Perel? But...wait a sec...(pulls out the script and scans through it) Hey! Sez right here! "Box disappears and is replaced by YOMI!" Perel-... Ark-GO!!! Perel-Eeep! *poof* Yomi-(With Brak's voice) Hiya, Ark! Ark-*snicker* You live in a box! Yomi-Yeah, but it's nice... Ark-True...sorry bout that whole presents thing... Yomi-It's okay, a simple misunderstanding, that's all. Kay, I'm gonna disappear till Chapter De one after One. Ark-Er... Yomi-Actually, I gotta go make baked potatoes. Ark-Gah? *poof* Elle-Hey Ark, what's up with this broom closet? Ark-Eh? Elle-Woah, is there a draft in here? I'm getting col--(freezes) Ark-Elle? Elllllleeeee! ELLLLLLEEEEEE! (Hears voices upstairs) Ooh! (Runs upstairs) Elder-Dammit! Ark, what's the matter with you? Dammit, now I'm gonna hafta climb those towers! Ark-Towers?! LEMMME LEMME!!! Elder-Fine! I don't feel like dealing with that Guardian-bitch anyway... Ark-Gack? Elder-Don't remind me...that shit's hard to get off when it dries...grumble grumble... Ark-Ack? Elder-Dammit!! Are you still here? GO!!! Ark-Eeep! (Runs outside, and sees the gate) Ark-So! This must be what gramps was callin a tower! (Starts climbing the gate) Elder-(slams the door open) THAT'S NOT A TOWER, YOU GOD DAMN IDIOT!(stomps away) (Ark continues climbing up the gate. Finally, he gets to the top) Ark-(Beats his chest) AAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAA!!! (Jumps off and into the river) ARGH! IT'S COLD! Elder-(from the window) What the hell is the matter with you? Get a move on, dammit! Ark-Eeep (quickly dives underwater) Elder-I see you , bastard! GO! (Ark hops out and runs out the gate) --------------- Dairrator-About five hours and towers and continents later... Ark-*huff puff* Wow...*wheeze pant* Elder-It's about damn time! Now, say bye to that bitch of yours and meet me by that huge-ass hole *snicker* outside! Ark-Okeedokee! (Goes to Weavers) Ark-Hey Elle! Elle-DON'T COME IN! (Ark opens the door anyway) Weavers-Eeep! (They are all dancing around an effigy of Dark Gaia) Ark-Cool...anyway, I've gotta go jump in a hole...peace. Elle-See ya! ---------------- Dairrator-At the hole Elder-Dammit, where were you? Ark-Uh...I had unfinished business. Elder-Oh, okay. Go resurrect the world. (Pushes Ark down the hole) Ark-Damn you!!!!