Announcer: Now let's see some of the best moments of Soul Blazer Combat '99 and 2000!

*Flashback '99*

Lindsay: Hello, I've been playing Terranigma since I was 10.
Cherubae: Big whoop. Magical TMNT powers!
*CRASH* *KABOOM* *ARRRRRRRRGHHH!!! MY HAIR! MY HAIR!* *MEEEEOOOOW!*
Victor: Cherubae

Gem: Hah! I am invincible!
Dark Morph: Hmmm.
Gem: Hah!
Dark Morph: I wonder if I could morph into the original Soulblazer?
*AAARGH! AAARGH! NO! NO! BUGGER! AAR-*
Victor: Dark Morph

Announcer: We've come to a tie, Cherubae vs Dark Morph. Hmm. Well. Coin flip. And.. the new winner and champion:

*End Flashback*

*Flashback 2000*

Cherubae: *puts on metallic turtle shell* Ok now this should protect me from any attack. *puts golden undies on head* This will hel- *undies falls over her eyes* Hey who turned out the lights!? *struggles to pull undies from head, but falls on the floor*
Cyrus: HAHAHAHAHA!*nt*
*BOOM*
Narrator: Cyrus laughs too hard and fell out of the ring.
Winner: Cherubae
Cherubae: Help I'm a turtle and I can't get up!

*End Flashback*

Announcer: Well wasn't that enjoyable!? Let's welcome to our coliseum the previous winner! Cherubae, come on in! You've won this tournament twice before! What have you got to say?
Cherubae: Huh? I won the Soul Blazer Combats?
Announcer: Oh yeah she never reads fanfics anyway. Let's look at our contestants!
 

Announcer: This is how the tournament is going to be organized:

Announcer: So... let's start!

Cinco vs. SparroHawc
FIGHT!
Sparro: Ooooh... Five legs... I don't feel so good...
Cinco: Hehehe! Boy do I have luck!
Sparro: *regains his strength* Did you say f***? GAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! NO SWEARING NO SWEARING NO SWEARING GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
WINNER: SparroHawc!

Koushirou's Grrl vs. Soul Blazer
FIGHT!
K-Grrl: Are you an angel?
Soul Blazer: *nods*
K-Grrl: Oh... Then don't tell your boss I'm naked under these covers!
Soul Blazer: ~oh, man...~
K-Grrl: I'll tell you what... I'll give you a boobie hug if you let me win this fight!
Soul Blazer: *gulp* *nods quickly*
WINNER: Koushirou's Grrl!

Sqrfrk's Kitty vs. Ark
FIGHT!
=^_^=: Meooooow... *licks itself*
Ark: Heh, heh, heh...
*Chases the kitty to the weaver's place. The kitty gets in and ruins the weavings*
Elder: You enourmous FOOL! *hits Ark with his stick*
=^_^=: Purrrrrrrrrrrr...
WINNER: Sqrfrk's Kitty!

Cherubae vs. Cabus
FIGHT!
Cabus: ~Eeep! The champion! There's no way I can win! Unless... I intimidade her... Heh, heh, heh!~
Cabus: THIS is the champion? Bff! She's old enought to be my mom!
[A.C.: Boy I hope she doesn't read this...]
Cherubae: Grrr...
Cabus: ~it's not wor-king...~ Errr, older sister?
Cherubae: GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
Cabus: Friend who wouldn't hurt me?!
Cherubae: *ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARR!!!!*
Cabus: Eeep!
WINNER: Cherubae!

Random Monkey vs. Atresica the magician
FIGHT!
Monkey: EEEEK! OOH-EEEEK! *starts humping Atresica's leg*
Atresica: Hey! Stop it! Hey! Quit it NOW! AVADA KEDAVRA!!!
*the monkey drops dead*
WINNER: Atresica the limping magician!

Magus_akaJanus vs. Bloody Mary
FIGHT!
Magus: Hah! I've beaten you in Terranigma!
B.Mary: Hah! I've beaten you TWICE in Chrono Trigger!
Magus: Err... I have a cool-looking scythe!
B.Mary: I have a cool-looking scythe AND a cool-looking mask!
Magus: *gulp* Wanna call it a tie?
B.Mary: Okay!
Annoucer: Fine you both lose.
Magus & B.Mary: What?
WINNER: None.

Magnakai vs. Idiot
FIGHT!
Idiot: Hello little bunny!
Magnakai: I... can't.... stop.... dancing.... help.... me....
Idiot: But I like your dancing! You're cute!
Magnakai: Can't... stop... dancing... gonna... faint...
Idiot: Awww you're so cute! *hugs Magnakai, lifting him off the floor*
Magnakai: Whew... thanks!
Idiot: Awww, you're welcome little bunny! *Hugs even more*
Magnakai: Can't... breathe.... properly....
WINNER: Idiot!

Perel vs. The Great ElBobo
FIGHT!
TGEB!: ~This is gonna be easy...~ Hehehehe!
<insert funky Perel music here>
Perel: Hey Bro'! Wanna watch some skateboard action?
*starts doing unimpressive skateboard stunts*
TGEB!: Heh, heh, heh... *yawn*
Announcer: 45 minutes later...
*Perel is still doing skateboard stunts. TGEB! is fast asleep*
WINNER: Perel! [A.C.: Uh-oh.]

Elle vs. Yomi
FIGHT!
Announcer: Yomi sets an earthquake. Elle is immobilized
Yomi: Well, well, well.... how shall I do you?
Elle: Haven't we done this before?
Yomi: Well.... kind of.
Elle: Err...
Yomi: Um... wanna call a tie?
Elle: Sure!
Yomi: NOT! *wraps around her head. Elle struggles for a while, then falls to the ground, suffocated*
Yomi: Being blobby is good!
WINNER: Yomi!

Galinstar vs. Big White Tranluscent Box [A.C.: I swear this was randomly picked!!!]
FIGHT!
Galinstar: AAAYEEEEEEE!!!! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!
BWTB: *wraps around a thrashing Galinstar*
Galinstar: Hey... Hey! I'm still alive!
WINNER: Galinstar in a Big White Translucent Box

Roy vs. Terranigma Freak
FIGHT!
Roy: hello. do you like large woman?
TFreak: Errr...
Roy: here is a picture of my wife. shes hot.
TFreak: She looks like the old lady across the street from my house who yells at me when I look at her.
Roy: you like lick and suck?
TFreak: Look, I better kill you before this gets REALLY dirty. Ok?
Roy: you like 3som... *ARGH! ARGH! THE PAIN! THE PAIN!*
WINNER: Terranigma Freak!

Will (from IoG) vs. LampGenie
FIGHT!
Will: This should be easy...
LampGenie: Eeek! *hides in his lamp*
Will: You dummy. *morphs into Freedan* TAKE THAT YOU STUPID LAMP! AND THIS! HAH!
LampGenie: (from inside the lamp) My lamp is invincible, you buttmunch. Especially against big-ass swords.
Will: *acts furious, but suddenly a lamp (no pun intended) lights up over his head*
*morphs into Shadow and leaks into the Lamp
Lampgenie: (from inside the lamp) Hey, how did you get in here? Let go of my hair!
*OUCH! AAAARGH!!! HEY THAT'S MY FOOT* *Crunch!* *OOOOH, THE HUMANITY!*
WINNER: Will (from IoG)

Zombie vs. Gumin
FIGHT!
Zombie: Duhhh...
Gumin: You're gonna hurt... 'Cause I'm gonna hurt you!
Zombie: Duhhhh...
Gumin: ???
Zombie: Duhhh... *throws head*
Gumin: *dissolves into 4 different blobs* Hey! Hmmm, an idea!
*slides into the flesh wounds on the headless zombie*
Gumin: Heh, heh, heh...
WINNER: Headless Gumin Infested Zombie

Meilin vs. Elder
FIGHT!
Elder: ~This is gonna be really easy~ Woooooo!!! *makes a ninja pose*
Meilin: *snif* *snif* I really wanted to win this cup...
Elder: TOO BAD! *hits Meilin in the head with his stick*
Meilin: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! THE ELDER HIT ME!!! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Elder: Oh, shut up.
Meilin: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
Elder: Come on, shut up and I'll buy you Ice Cream!
Meilin: *sob* *snif* with chocolate sprin- *sob* -kles?
Elder: Fine, sure. Let's go.
*They go to Liotto. The Elder buys Meilin an Ice-cream cone with chocolate sprinkles and both of them have a nice fun day at the carnival. After a game of Cream-a-Cat, the Elder buys her some cotton candy*
Elder: You know, being with you makes me feel like a kid again. I really fell like we've bonded. Don't you?
Meilin: Yeah! I love you Elder!
Elder: Awww, you can call me grampa!
Meilin: Really?
Elder: Yeah!
Meilin: Ok... grampa! Do you want some cotton candy... grampa?
Elder: Aww, I shouldn't...
Meilin: Please... grampa? *makes a sad face*
Elder: Ohhh, how can I resist that little face? I'll have a bite.
Meilin: Yay!
*The Elder takes a bite out of the cotton candy.*
Elder: Oh! *cough* I think that cotton candy just clogged my arteries... *gasp* I'm having a heart attack!
Meilin: Yay, my plan worked!
WINNER: Meilin!

BoodMan vs. Singer
FIGHT!
Boodman: BOOOOD! Boood bood bood BOOOD! BOOOD! (Translation: I will kill you!)
Singer: KOIBITOOOOO NO INAAAAIYORU WA!
BoodMan: Booood! BOOOD bood BoooooOOOOOOd! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! BooooOOOOOoood! BoOoOoOoOd! (Translation: Hey!)
Singer: KOIBITO NO INAIYORU!!!
BoodMan: Boood! BOooOOooOOooOOD! (Translation: My Ears! My Ears!)
Singer: Koibito no Inaiyoru...
BoodMan: Bood. (Translation: I give up! There's no way I can kill this Singer. I can can barely stand his voice! Dang it, I really wanted that trophy. Oh well.)
WINNER: Singer!

S19 vs. Turbo
FIGHT!
Turbo: Argh blarg bluhtard!
S19: ~This is gonna be easy.~ Here, pooch. Come here. That's a nice mutt.
Turbo: Warg blarg. *divides himself into 2 dogs. Those 2 split themselves in 4. Soon enough all Turbos from all Enix games appear in the arena.*
S19: Whoa! Am I drunk again?
Turboes: Blargh argh warg.
S19: Uh-oh.
WINNER: Turboes

SparroHawc vs. Koushirou's Grrl
FIGHT!
K-Grrl: I'll give you a boobie hug if you let me win this fight.
Sparro: Errr... *two tiny copies SparroHawc appear flying beside him. One is white, and wears a gown, like an angel. The other is red and has little horns, a pitchfork and a little devil tail*
Devil Sparro: DO IT DO IT DO IT!!!
Angel Sparro: Don't do it! You have to win that cup! You promised to donate the gold to BeamCauldron's "Kill the Old Man Foundation"!
Devil Sparro: To hell with that!
*SparroHawc and Angel Sparro stare angrily at the Devil Sparro*
Devil Sparro: Eeep!!! *dissapears in a poof of smoke!*
Sparro: No way K-Grrl.
K-Grrl: Damn! ... Errr I, I mean "damncing in the rain... I'm dancing in the rain!"
Sparro: It's "Singing in the Rain". And...
*CRASH! POW! EEEEK! MOOOO!*
WINNER: SparroHawc

Sqrfrk's Kitty vs. Cherubae
FIGHT!
Cherubae: Awww... What an adorable kitty! I couldn't possibly kill it... Come here kitty!
=^_^=: Meoooow!
Cherubae: That's so sweet!
=^_^=: Purrrr...
Cherubae: Awww... That's a good kitty!
=^_^=: Purrr... Huh? *notices the picture of TMNT's Master Splinter on Cherubae's shirt* Roaaar!
Cherubae: What? YOU DON'T LIKE MY TMNT SHIRT??!!??!!??!!
Announcer: Uh-oh... Someone call the Animal Protection Service!
WINNER: None... Cherubae got arrested for killing a cat without a license and the kitty... it's all over the place. Literally.

Atresica the limping magician vs. None
FIGHT!
Atresica: Uhhh.... fight who?
WINNER: Atresica the limping magician!

Idiot vs. Perel
FIGHT!
Perel: ~This is gonna be easy! I'll just put him to sleep with my boring skateboard stunts!~
*does unimpressive skateboard stunts*
Announcer: 45 minutes later...
Perel: *pant* *pant* Why isn't he asleep?
Idiot: Hey why did you stop? I was liking that!
Perel: WHAT!? It takes a real dumbass to LIKE my skateboard stunts. I give up.
WINNER: Idiot!

Yomi With Elle's Corpse Sticking Out of His Ass vs. Galinstar in a Big White Translucent Box
FIGHT!
Galinstar in a BWTB: Awww! It's Yomi! he's so fluffy and cuddly and blobbly! I wanna hug him!
*runs toward Yomi, forgetting about the BWTB. The BWTB hits Yomi, who falls to the ground*
Galinstar: Oh crap.
WINNER: Galinstar in a Big White Translucent Box!

Terranigma Freak vs. Will (from IoG)
FIGHT!
TFreak: Heh, heh, heh! You're wearing a skirt! Like Sigurd!
Will: ~Hmmm...~ That's... errr... because I ... errr... I am Sigurd!
TFreak: Really? OM MY GOD COME HERE GIVE ME AN AUTOGRAPH!!!
Will: Dammit!
TFreak: DO YOU NEED SOME PANTS? HERE HAVE MINE! TAKE ALL OF MY CLOTHES IF YOU WANT!
WINNER: Terranigma Freak in Kirby Underwear

Meilin vs. Headless Gumin-Infested Zombie [A.C.:This is getting TOO freaky]
FIGHT!
HG-IZ: *falls apart*
WINNER: Meilin!

Singer vs. Turbos
FIGHT!
Singer: Koibitoooooo no Inaiyoru wa!
Announcer: And they say dogs can hear better than humans... poor mutts.
Singer: KOIBITO NO INAIYORUUUUU!!!
Turbos: *explode*
Announcer: And the Turbos just joined Sqrfrk's kitty...
WINNER: Singer

SparroHawc vs. None
FIGHT!
SparroHawc: No one to flame? *yawn*
WINNER: SparroHawc!

Atresica the limping Magician vs. Idiot
FIGHT!
Idiot: Huh huh huh you walk funny!
Atresica: AVADA KEDAVRA!
Announcer: Well that was quick.
WINNER: Atresica the limping magician!

Galinstar in a Big White Translucent Box vs. Terranigma Freak in Kirby Underwear
FIGHT!
Galinstar: Hehehe, nice undies, TFreak!
TFreak: AAAAAARGH I'LL KILL YEAH FOR INSULTING KIRBY!!!
*TFreak runs toward Galinstar without seeing the BWTB around him.*
TFreak: *BUMP* Ow, my forehead! *faint*
Galinstar: EAT...
Galinstar: MY...
Galinstar: TURDS!!!
WINNER: Galinstar in a Big White Translucent Box!

Meilin vs. Singer
FIGHT!
Singer: Koibitoooooo no Inaiyoru waaaa!!!
Meilin: WHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
Singer & Meilin: *Gasp*
Meilin: Nobody likes you either?
Singer: You also have an annoying voice?
Meilin & Singer: You're exactly like me! We must be soul mates!
Announcer: Awww, isn't that beatiful! Two fighters find love!
*Meilin and the Singer kiss*
Narrator: And so, Meilin and the Singer fell in love with each other. They got married and went to live in a little house in Loire, happily ever after. Until their neighbors drowned their kids.
WINNER: None.

SparroHawc vs. Atresica the limping Magician
FIGHT!
Atresica: ~This is gonna be easy...~ Here! *throws some birdseed in the air*
Sparro: Hey I'm a bird of prey! Not some duck!!
Atresica: Did you say f***?
Sparro: Uhh... I don't... think so...
Atresica: You said f***!! You did!
Sparro: ~Did I?~
Atresica: Look everyone! The bird that flames everyone for swearing has just sweared! Let's flame HIM!
Sparro: *swoons*
Atresica: Hehehe, that was a good trick!
Sparro: *regaining his strength* DID YOU SAY D***? GAAAAAH DIE DIE DIE!!!!
Atresica: Oh, man... OWWWW, THAT'S MY GOOD LEG!!!!
WINNER: SparroHawc

Galinstar in a Big White Translucent Box vs. None
FIGHT!
Galinstar: Man, it's starting to get hot in here...
WINNER: Galinstar in a Big White Translucent Box!

SparroHawc vs. Galinstar in a Big White Translucent Box
FIGHT!
Galinstar: ~this is gonna be easy!~ Hehehe, you can't get me! I'm in a BWTB!!!
Sparro: ~Hmmmm....~ Is it soundproof?
Galinstar: Er.... Yeah!
Sparro: Liar. I'll just kill you with my mighty bird scream.

TGEB!: Waaaaaaaaaait a minute.... I got beat by Perel and Galinstar wins? Argh as if two fanfic contests weren't enough!
Galinstar: Wark! *Graps trophy and starts running away*
TGEB!: Oh, no you don't! *breaks through the BWTB, tackles Galinstar then eats him togheter with the trophy.*

Annoucer: It seems like our trophy got eaten. Well crap.
 
*Dais, Snape, Conspiracy, Cyrus, Wertigon come running in*
 
Snape: Awww we missed the Soul Blazer Combat? Damn!
Announcer: Well you guys are just in time for the FOGU hymn. Wanna lead?
Cyrus: Yippeee! Okay! *nt*