(Show opens with Splinter sitting at a table on the dock (in 
daylight!). He has a chessboard in front of him and he is waiting 
for Andre to arrive so they can begin playing. Andre finally 
arrives at the dock.)
Splinter: Andre, you are two hours late! I was becoming 
concerned!
Andre: I'm awfully sorry to of kept you waiting, but I've had a 
rotten run of bad luck. I've been evicted from my home!
Splinter: That's terrible news Andre!
Andre: My landlord wants to rent to the yuppies. All the old folk 
in the building have been served their walking papers. My 
landlord is a big rat!
Splinter: (winces at the word "rat") where will you go? What will 
you do?
Andre: I'll be sleeping in the streets like a dog if I don’t find 
a crib soon! Rent is expensive in Manhattan.
Splinter: (gets an idea) You will stay with me and my family 
until you figure out what to do!
Andre: Auu Splinter I cant put you out that way!
Splinter: Nonsense. You are my friend. Friends help each other. 
No discussion. You will stay with me.

(Scene change. Dr Quease is walking down the street carrying a 
white cane with him. He takes out his voice recorder and talks 
into it.)
Quease: Note to myself, I'm a genius! My bio-disrupter rod is 
completed! The bio-disrupter causes cells to generate excess heat 
and BAM instant meltdown! Ha ha ha hah (he puts his voice 
Recorder away). The Dragon Lord's going to love this little 
ditty. It's the perfect weapon for cooking 
Turtle's kaboob!

(Scene changes to Andre and Splinter walking down the street. 
Splinter is carrying a pile of suitcases and he can’t see where 
he's going.) 
Andre: Splinter, I'm perfectly capable of carrying some of my own 
stuff!
Splinter: No, no you are my guest, I insist!
(DrQuease is walking and not paying attention. He collides with 
Splinter and Andre. Andre and DrQuease both drop their white 
canes.)
Quease: Ack hey! Why don’t you look where you're going ya scruffy 
ruffians!
Splinter: (hides his face with suitcases) Forgive us, my friend 
is vision impaired. And my sight was blocked by these suitcases.
Quease: No, I will not forgive you! I don’t forgive. Dirty, 
clumsy people, and anyway being a genius means never having to 
say you’re sorry or forgive anyone for that matter!
(DrQuease picks up Andre's white cane and walks off humming. 
Andre searches the ground for the other white cane.)
Andre: Aaaa.. here's my stick. Come on Splint, let's split.
Splinter: A brush with evil....
Andre: say what?
Splinter: oh nothing, I said that guy's a weevil.

(Scene change. The boys are at the inside entrance of the sewer 
den)
Donatello: Another brilliant example of Turtlefication. From now 
on, HQ will have a fail-save ping pong parimeter.
Leonardo: What's the point of this ping-pinginization?!
Donatello: Simple. If an intruder were to violate our perimeter, 
it would trigger this motion detector...
Michaelangelo: which triggers the rain of a thousand pongs!
Donatello: One thousand ping pong balls will come raining down, 
disorienting the intruder, creating a difficult terrain on which 
to sneak.
Michaelangelo: Shellacious!
(Suddenly some suitcases fall through the manhole and onto the 
ground, startling the Turtles. The go into a defensive stance)
Michaelangelo: Mega luggage! We're under attack by suitcases!
(Splinter and Andre climb the ladder down into the sewer den)
Splinter: Watch your step Andre. Boys, meet my friend Andre. He 
will be staying as our guest for a few days. He's been evicted 
from his apartment.
Raphael: But Splinter he's a..well he's a... human person...
Andre: Of course I'm a person! What else could I be, a zucchini? 
Did we just climb down a manhole?
Splinter: We like to think of our home as a subterranean 
penthouse.
Donatello: A street level security entrance....
(Suddenly the motion detectors go off. Vents open up from the 
ceiling and Ping-Pong balls come falling out, bouncing off 
Splinter and Andre's head. The Turtles celebrate)
Donatello: Feel the awesome power of the ping pong ball!
Andre: Splint, tell your landlord to do something about the 
weather in your apartment. Brother you've got hail!!
Michaelangelo: Ha ha it works!
Splinter: Over here my friend. The weather is better by the 
couch.
Andre: Should of brought an umbrella.
Splinter: Sit down, rest your feet Andre.
Raphael: I'm leaving!
Donatello: Chill Raph!
Splinter: Now listen...
(Andre is trying to find the couch to sit down and is waving his 
cane around to find it. Unfortunately he also knocks some other 
things down)
Andre: Sorry boys...
Splinter: Our friend does not see. So as long as we act human and 
make him feel at home, we are in no danger of being exposed. Be 
yourself. Andre's a good man, treat him as such.
(Andre has picked up one of Venus' chi balls)
Andre: Man, this feels like a ping pong ball.  Where are we, 
Toy's Galore?
Donatello: Don’t throw that....
(Andre tosses the chi ball over his shoulder and it lands in the 
subway car. It explodes, causing a horrible smell.)
Leonardo: He threw it!
Andre: Splinter, what's that stink? Some'thn burning Splinter?
Splinter: Michaelangelo must be making dinner.
Michaelangelo: But I hate beans!
Andre: (picks up Donatello's bo) What's this? A new toy! Maybe a 
javelin...
Donatello: Everybody down!
(Andre presses the trigger on Donatello's bo. An arrow shoots out 
the other end and ricochets off of several objects and eventually 
embedding itself in the wall next to Andre. He takes off his hat 
and uses it has a hatrack)
Splinter: (to the Turtles) It's only for a couple of days...
(Andre find's Leonardo's sword)
Leonardo: He's a menace!
Andre: Hey Splint, shouldn’t this big knife be in the kitchen or 
something?

(Scene change, now we're in the Dragon Lord's throne room. Dr 
Quease is trying to get the white cane to work)
DragonLord: Incompetent insect. You promised me it would work 
Quease!
Quease: But the rod does work your eminence. (Quease realizes 
that this isn’t the bio-disrupter rod) It's just that this.. 
this... isn’t it...
DragonLord: This isn’t the bio-disrupter rod!?
Quease: But.. *sigh* noooo. No no no, this is actually a white 
cane, very elegant, very functional, but I CAN retrieve the rod 
for you. You see, it emits radiation, enabling me to track it 
with this (Quease pulls something out of his pocket). My brand 
new gyrofratospecoscillator...
DragonLord: You have 24 hours to find my weapon, or else your 
research funding will be perminatly cut off...
Quease: *gulp*

(Scene change. The gang are sitting at the table eating hotdogs. 
Andre takes a bit but then spits it back out. The Turtles react 
in shock)
Michaelangelo: It's a jalapenio and anchovies special. I call it, 
the TurtleDog.
Andre: The TurtleDog? Why, 'cuz it's so slow digesting?!
(The Turtle's laugh. Andre gets up from the table)
Splinter: Where are you going friend?
Andre: For some proper hot dog fix'ns, before this kid poisons 
me....

(We're back topside. Andre just left the store with a bag of 
groceries. Dr Quease looks at his gyrofratospecoscillator and 
realizes that Andre is using the bio-disrupter as his white cane. 
Dr Quease sneaks up behind Andre and gets ready to jump him to 
take his cane. As soon as Dr Quease jumps, Andre turns and Dr 
Quease lands in a garbage can)

(Back at the sewer den...)
Leonardo: How much longer do you think he's going to be saying 
Master Splinter?
Splinter: I don’t know Leonardo. There's an ancient saying about 
guests...
Michaelangelo: I know a modern one! Guests are like socks. They 
begin to stink after a few days!
(The Turtles laugh, but then Andre walks in. They hope he didn’t 
hear them. Andre dumps his groceries onto the table. Rounds of 
cheese fall out of the bag)
Raphael: What's that stench!?
Andre: Strong cheese. My favorite food! You're all welcome to 
share it.
Splinter:  I love cheese! What is that green brick?
Andre: Bavarian Shlap. This'll put hair on your chest. Not that 
you need it Splint. Judging by the way your arms feel you're the 
hairiest man in the world!
(The Turtles laugh)

(Dr Quease is using his gyrofratospecoscillator and tracks the 
radiation from the bio-disrupter to a manhole cover. A troop of 
Rank Warriors are also with him)
Quease: He's slow close I can almost smell him! He smells like... 
Bavarian Shlap. Soon the bio-disrupter rod will be mine! (The 
Rank growl) Dragon Lord's! Dragon Lord's!!

(The Turtles and Andre are getting ready for bed. Andre is using 
one of Raphael sai's to take off his slippers)
Raphael:  Aaaa, that ain't no shoehorn dude.
Andre: Oh, I'm sorry. Whatever it is, it sure is good for helping 
me get my slippers off these old swollen feet.
Raphael: Aaaa...here man, I was mistaken. This thing makes a 
jammin shoehorn.
Andre: You're a good kid Raphael. Sorry for being a burden on you 
and your family. I'm just an old man who's always causing 
trouble.
Raphael: Well that's not true Andre. Having you around keeps us 
on our toes!
(Raphael tucks Andre into bed)
Raphael: Nighty night homey. Dream about babes!

(Raphael is trying to sleep, but Andre's snoring is keeping him 
awake)
Raphael: That's it! I cant take it anymore! It's quieter on the 
streets of New York...
(Raphael leaves the sewer den and crawls up the manhole cover 
back onto the streets)
Raphael: That dude's louder then a broken muffler! How's a Turtle 
suppose to snag any Z's huh?
(The Rank close in and surround Raphael. Dr Quease emerges from 
the shadows)
Raphael: Aaaa... Dr do-evil and his fire breathing nurses! What a 
surprise! Actually I was hoping to see the sandman out here.
Quease: I'm sorry to hear you've been suffering from insomnia. As 
a doctor, may I prescribe a permanent cure? (Dr Quease pulls out 
a weapon) Now tell me where the bio-disrupter rod is, or am 
I going to have to get scientific?
Raphael: Disrupter rod? You've got the wrong 'B' movie pal.
Quease: Ha ha ha... I don’t think so! According to my readings, 
you've got bio-cellular radiation written all over you. You've 
seen the blind man tonight. You've know where the white cane is. 
I want it!
Raphael: You mean Andre? You want his cane? Great! I've got 
another friend who's hard of hearing. Maybe you'd like to rip off 
his hearing aid!
(The Rank warriors don’t like that answer. Dr Quease uses his 
communicator to talk to the Dragon Lord)
DragonLord: This better be good Quease. I was right in the middle 
of a raw meal.
Quease: Ah it's better then good. I've got a Turtle!
DragonLord: Does it have my disrupter rod?
Quease: Not yet.. but it will!
DragonLord: Quease, I'm bored with your incompetence. Shell the 
freak and keep searching. And put the shell on ice. I'm looking 
forward to a nice light snack.
(Quease closes his communicator)
Quease: Well ya heard the Dragon. Looks like you're about to 
suffer a little de-shellage.
Raphael: You're a real cut up doc. 
(A fight ensues. Raphael uses parked cars, bottles, and trashcan 
lids to fend off the Rank. The last blow to the Rank is from an 
entire truckload of wooden crates that fall on them.)
Raphael: This has been a demonstration of intense green time. 
(Raphael runs off) Total turtlfication!
Quease: I refuse to be beaten by garbage, *again*! I thought 
Turtles were suppose to be slow! After him!

(Raphael eventually returns to the Sewer Den. He sets off 
Donatello's motion detector and gets pegged in the head by a rain 
of ping pong balls)
Raphael: I've been pingpongified...
(the noise wakes the other Turtles up)
Donatello: Raphael!
Leonardo: Are you okay? You look all green!
Raphael: Fuuuuny! You should see the other guy.  I spent half the 
night smak'n the Rank around.
Splinter: What's the meaning of this slumber party?
Raphael: Dr Quease and Dragon Lord are after Andre's white cane. 
They claim it's some kind of weapon.
Donatello: A weapon in a white cane! Classy! Lets take a look at 
it.
Venus: Andre and the white cane are gone. He left this note...
Splinter: What does it say Venus?
Venus: It's an apology. He says he didn’t want to be a burden on 
his wonderful hosts. So he decided to get up early and start 
looking for a new home.
Leonardo: I guess he wasn’t so bad after all.
Donatello: He's got Quease and the Rank on his tail.
Venus: Well?
Leonardo: Green time!
Donatello: We're saving Andre!
Splinter: No, not until dark. We cannot risk being seen in the 
day.
Raphael: I'm down with that. Sleep, then rescue...

(Scene change. Andre is topside wandering around finding a new 
home. Dr Quease is riding a bike and spots Andre walking by.)
Quease: Aaaaa... now I've got ya you meddlesome old fool. *gulp* 
He's banging my disrupter on the sidewalk! You geriatric 
criminal!!
(Dr Quease rides his bike up behind Andre and gets ready to swipe 
the bio-disrupter rod. But Andre turns and Dr Quease rides past 
him and crashes into a pile of garbage cans)
Quease: Garbage again!

(It's night time again. The Turtles are getting ready to go out 
and find Andre.)
Leonardo: Let's go find Andre. It's dark outside.
(Raphael wakes up from his nap)
Raphael: wha he ha, is it time to battle evil yet?
Michaelangelo: Hey Raph, looking for one old dude in New York is 
like looking for a noodle in a macaroni factory!
Splinter: We know this old noodle well. Finding Andre may be as 
easy as a walk by the bay.
Raphael: I'll bring the water weenie.

(The Turtles pile into the Hummer and Raphael gets on his 
motorcycle. They drive off to the docks. Andre is sitting at the 
docks by himself. Dr Quease and the Rank walk up to him.)
Quease: Gimme the cane.
Andre: Cane?
Quease: Yes your cane!
(Andre gets up and waves the bio-disrupter in front of him. Dr 
Quease realizes that he has activated it)
Andre: Get back! I'm warning you...
Quease: Careful you clog-hopping crocodiles, he's just triggered 
the disrupter. One touch from that, and you'll end up as burned 
luggage!
(Dr Quease takes out a bag of ball bearings and drops them in 
front of Andre. Andre steps on them, looses his balance, and 
falls over. He drops the bio-disrupter rod and Dr Quease picks it 
up and walks off. The Turtles arrive at the dock)
Leonardo: How are we going to find Andre?
Raphael: Just look for the trail of broken stuff!
(Dr Quease is still walking triumphantly with the bio-disrupter 
rod and runs across Splinter)
Splinter: Interesting game, mind if I play?
Quease: Get out of my way stranger, or I'll burn you to a crisp.
Splinter: Well, we have seen how you do with an old blind man..
Raphael: How are you when they come a little bigger!
Michaelangelo: This is going to be more fun then a shell full of 
pain!
Turtles: GREEN TIME!
(The Turtles fight against the Rank, while Splinter deals with Dr 
Quease. Splinter uses his stick and knocks the bio-disrupter rod 
back over to Andre. Venus helps Andre off the ground and he picks 
up the white cane. Venus leads him out of the fight. The Turtles 
disable the Rank, but Dr Quease catches up with Venus and Andre. 
He takes the white cane from Andre again)
Quease: Never send a pawn to do a king's job!
Venus: You're insane Quease!
Quease: uh huh, and your toast female freak. Nice of you by the 
way to volunteer for the first ever bio-disrupter analytic 
experiment. (Quease takes out his personal tape recorder) Note to 
myself. Save the victim's ashes and save for comparative 
analysis....
(Venus throws some chi balls into the air)
Venus: Don’t look up!
(Dr Quease is distracted by the falling chi balls. Venus takes 
the bio-disrupter and breaks it into two. Quease freaks out)
Venus: I told you not to look up!
Quease: aa.aaa ... you broke my baby! Do you have any idea how 
long it took me to build this disrupter you mutant vandal!
Andre: I don’t know what's going on, but I'm sure enjoying 
myself!
Quease: oh the Dragon Lord is going to love this....

(Scene change, everyone is standing around in Andre's new 
apartment)
Venus: Your new home is beautiful.
Michaelangelo: yea, rad crib!
Andre: You've all been very kind to me. And I'm sorry I got you 
all in trouble with that scientist.
Raphael: That's okay Andre, trouble's our gig!
Splinter: We'll leave you now to enjoy your new home.
Andre: You're my kind of people!
(Andre shakes Splinter's hand)
Splinter: Chess in the park tonight?
Andre: Yea. Hey Splint, tell me something. Why are you always 
running around in the summer in a fur coat? You a werewolf or 
something?
Splinter: Yes Andre, or something...
(Everyone starts laughing)

--End